Craig Suffers a Loss
by Shadowgate
Summary: Craig's grandma dies and he gets support from his community.


Craig Suffers A Loss

By Shadowgate

…...

Craig just got done cleaning his bathroom. The bathroom he and his sister both shared was clean and good as new after Craig got done with it.

Ruby was very pleased with her brother's discipline.

Ruby asked Craig "why did grandma die Craig?"

Craig answered "I don't know Ruby. Last I saw her six months ago at my tenth birthday party she was in perfect shape. I don't know why she died. Oh my tenth birthday how we were all so happy."

Ruby said "that was the best birthday cake I ever had."

Craig asked "what can we do for fun right now if anything could possibly be fun?"

Ruby said she was having a good time with her new "Stop Touching Me Elmo" doll.

Craig immediately said "don't tell me my little sister enjoys being molested."

Ruby said "lighten up Craig."

Craig said "okay I'll lighten up. I'll tell you a story about Elmo. Now before I start let me verify one thing, Elmo says 'Elmo' instead of I when he talks about something he did or something he thinks right?"

Ruby affirmed that.

Craig said "okay" and then he sat on the living room couch beside Ruby and got started.

"Elmo got on his bike one morning and rode down Sesame Street. He took a turn on to a bigger street and kept riding. Then a drunken thug threw a beer bottle and smashed it right in front of Elmo so Elmo screamed and quickly turned off the street and crashed into three garbage cans."

Craig switches to a high pitched voice like Elmo as he carries on "OH NO ELMO CRASHED! ELMO IS COVERED IN GARBAGE. OH GODDAMN IT ELMO IS BLEEDING. WHAA WHAA ELMO NEEDS HELP! OH ELMO SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME AND JACKED OFF IN BED! OH NO A TRASH BAG LEAKED ICKY WATER ALL OVER ELMO!"

Craig's mother comes out and screams "CRAIG TUCKER THAT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE ELMO STORY TO TELL YOUR SISTER AND FURTHERMORE THAT SCREAMING IS OBNOXIOUS." 

Ruby whacks Craig over the head with a couch cushion and walks away.

As Craig sits on the couch alone all of the sudden the Elmo doll leans over and touches Craig's crotch.

Craig throws the doll across the living room and says "don't touch my balls Goddamn it!"

Right after that the doorbell rang.

Craig went to see who it was.

It was Bebe and Wendy.

They paid their condolences to Craig with flowers. Craig told both gals he was grateful and told Wendy Stan was lucky to have her for a girlfriend.

Craig put the flowers on the living room coffee table.

Three minutes later the doorbell rang again.

It was Clyde who gave Craig a big hug.

Craig was happy to see his friend Clyde and Clyde had lots of sympathy for Craig considering he's just lost his mother not too long ago.

Furthermore considering that his parents were both in foul moods he would surely get no compassion from them so that hug gave Craig a big boost.

10 minutes later the doorbell rang. Craig answered and it was Token. Token told him he was sorry and hoped Craig was doing as well as possible. Craig told Token he was grateful he showed up.

5 minutes later the doorbell rang. When Craig opened it he saw of all people Eric Cartman.

"Craig I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma."

Craig said "well I appreciate that Cartman."

Cartman then said "when my Grandma died I got a ton of money."

Craig commented "yes that amusement park turned out to be your biggest business failure ever."

Cartman asked "well did your grandma leave you a million dollars? If she did could I borrow five bucks?"

Craig answered "Cartman you're truly the biggest asshole in South Park and you always will be."

Craig slams the door in Cartman's face.

15 minutes later the doorbell rang. When Craig opened it he saw two of his male classmates who were known to be each others best friend. Craig hugged both of them and was glad they showed up.

20 minutes later when Craig s doorbell rang he saw two more of his male classmates who were best known for enduring life with handicaps. One of them could only say his own name but Craig was grateful no less. The other one was a close friend of Craig's.

The funeral would be held tomorrow which was Sunday. For the time being Craig feeling so happy that his classmates came to visit him except for the fat one decided to join his family for lunch.

After lunch the doorbell rang again. Craig s mom was irritated with all the kids showing up so Craig said he'd take care of his classmates.

When Craig opened the door he saw Butters standing there.

"Hello Craig I am truly sorry your grandmother died. I wish my grandmother had died since she's a very abusive bitch."

Craig replied "Butters you come from a very twisted family but you're a decent person."

Craig and Butters hugged.

10 minutes later Craig got another visitor.

When he opened the door he saw this time it was a grown up visitor.

"Oh Craig I'm very sorry to hear of your grandmother passing away. I remember when I was your age and my grandmother passed away an uncle of mine put on a dress and pretended to be my grandmother for a week. It didn't do much good though."

Craig said "well thank you for stopping by Mister Garrison and I honestly hope my uncle does not do what your uncle did."

20 minutes later the doorbell rang. It was Kenny McCormick.

Kenny said "Craig I'm so sorry your grandmother died. I know we've had our differences in the past but I'll tell you one thing Craig there really is good in you. I believe you're a good person. I believe you won't grow up to become a mass murderer. I believe you won't grow up to be a suicide bomber. I believe you won't grow up to be a scumbag that rapes five year old girls. I believe you won't grow up to be a representative of the United Food and Commercial Workers."

Craig said "Kenny that's truly wonderful that you would say I'd have nothing to do with that rotten union. Oh and I think it's great you're close with your little sister like I'm close with mine. Oh and Kenny I know you're a tough kid but there are times when you're as sweet as a princess."

Kenny and Craig hug and so ends the tragic story of Craig Tucker mourning his grandmother.


End file.
